Panentheism for Perverts

If you’d like to develop more religious feeling in your life, try this. The next time you’re down on your knees in an adult porn-video arcade preparing to suck anonymous cock, imagine that the stranger who sticks his dick through the gloryhole is Jesus. Most guys will find this challenging at first. We attend church and read our bibles, but how many of us really believe? Surely, we reason, that part about how we’re created in his image, how we’re all his children, must be some kind of ancient typo. The outer trappings of piety come easily, but faith is more than slapping a fish bumper sticker on your car. Know this: each of us, no matter our path through life, is like a well in the desert—dig deep enough and you’ll hit divinity. Don’t worry if you find this hard to believe. Just keep imagining that you’re sucking Jesus, connecting with the innermost God-like nature of the soul behind the plywood partition, and eventually you’ll get it. (If the considerable spiritual benefits of this visualization aren’t enough to motivate you to try it, listen to this good news: when practiced regularly, this simple shift in perspective will help you give a better blowjob. You’ll approach flesh with a new fervor that will make you the bathhouse favorite!)

Church leaders ask us to consider “what would Jesus do?” when confronted with a moral choice. That’s fine as far as it goes, but here’s an even more powerful line of inquiry: what would you do (spit or swallow?) if the people in your life were Jesus? When you see yourself as sucking the savior, licking our lord, it gets harder and harder to compartmentalize spirit, harder to believe that God is here and not there. Eternity seems to shine through the formerly opaque muck of creation, as, more and more, we perceive God’s loving hand in all things. What joy to finally know that even cum is communion, sex sacred, and horniness holy!