The Closet Cronicles

A guy walks up to me in a bar in Oaxaca, and asks if I’m gay. I give him my standard reply, “yes, are you?” Seems I’m the only gay guy around which is odd as there’s not a woman in sight, and the guys are getting more and more friendly. One fellow explained that while he wasn’t gay himself, he did like to fuck gays. Now there’s a pickup line I hadn’t heard before! Another claimed he was really straight because he only went with really effeminate guys. If I’d put on a dress and talk with a lisp, he’d be willing to overlook the inconvenience of my cock. No thanks. Later in the evening I met another straight dude who was hustling me for beer money. Handsome heterosexual men take note: if you’re hard up for a beer flirting with gay tourists is your ticket to drunken oblivion. I’m embarrassed to admit that’s true. I was striking out all over and it was getting late, so I screwed up my nerve and asked a solitary gentleman his sexual orientation. Seemed he came for the “atmosphere.” Looking around me at the white plastic chairs and tables and bare walls, I wondered why he didn’t just hang out at the bus station instead.

What is it with latinos and the closet? To accommodate their fears I’ve gotten hotel rooms with a second bed we never used but dutifully messed up in the morning, lied shamelessly to friends and family, and, once, hid in a quite literal closet when my ex’s snoopy cousin knocked on the door. Here’s the thing though: I love it! Denial is just so damn hot. In my defense, I’m not the only one who thinks so. None of us seem to want someone authentic; someone who is gay and has balls enough to act like it. Perhaps Woody Allen was talking about us too when he said he’d “refuse to belong to a club that would have him as a member.” My friend Steve specializes in bedding “straight” guys. I keep telling him…if you’re blowing them, they aren’t “straight” Afterall, even in my horniest moments I wouldn’t consider doing it with a woman. Please! I shouldn’t waste my time trying to get him to see reason. Of all parts of our anatomy, the penis is not known for logical action. Still, I have faith that one day we will find pride sexier than shame. As important as the rights to military service and marriage may be, the real gay liberation will not take place in the halls of congress, but rather in the hallowed chambers of our own hearts.